60

My wife asked me what my thoughts were about turning 60 tomorrow. Here’s the thing, I don’t have any. I have thought about my birthday but not about the 60 at all. So let me see…hmmm…thoughts on turning 60 tomorrow…I have these thoughts because I am 59 and 364 days old…man, tomorrow is going to be different…Lol. I don’t think so.

I will say that 60 is the first age I have hit that sounds kind of old to me…but I am nowhere near old. I told my wife that I don’t feel old…and she laughed. From her perspective I seem old because of all the problems with my body. I have had problems with my joints and arthritis since I was in my 20’s. My body feels like I’m 90 but my mind, my insides, all the stuff that makes me me, that all feels about 40.

All the baggage we have around age is funny because it’s just a made up construct created in order to categorize and label people. We love tidy little categories…I know I do…it really helps me feel in control…and aging is way out of my control…as are most things. With the numbers we decide when you’re old enough to drink, when you can get a license, when you could run for office, when you’re an adult, when you can join AARP, and when you can retire…just to name a few. It is hard to imagine what our world would be like without ages…that would take some re-imagining.

Turning 60 has made me more aware of my own mortality…and I am NOT a fan of that. Although I’m okay with living to 120…it seems unlikely. Knowing that I have less years of my life left than years I’ve lived…I feel very aware of that. I realize no one knows when they’ll die or how much time they have left but I think this is just different…it feels different. It’s a feeling I have not had before so I guess, this is what I’m feeling about turning 60…a bit afraid of death.

And thinking…thoughts on turning 60…I understand more and more the very little control I have over anything. I like control. I like routine. I like knowing what to expect. I got some wrong DNA or I’m on the wrong planet because that is not this world. This world is messy and scary and beautiful and confusing. It’s maddening, frustrating, vibrant, and amazing. It’s a miracle to be born a human being on planet earth…and I am grateful.

So here’s the thing…my thoughts on turning 60 are…to sit with my fear and always be grateful…same as yesterday and tomorrow.