Tag: politics

Symbols and Scapegoats

~ Kai Raines ~ Leave a comment

My wife and I recently took a driving trip to New York, and on the way, I noticed something interesting…well, unsettling. I saw confederate flags flying in Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and Virginia. Now, these were not little flags I had to search to find. These were gigantic…and they were flying next to huge American flags.

I don’t get flying a confederate flag. People tell me “It’s part of our history.” True. It’s a shitty part. People fly flags or wear symbols because they mean something to them. What does flying a confederate flag mean? What does it stand for…slavery, violence, oppression, people treated as property, brutality, racism, war, division. How about white, wealthy, male, landowners having all the control and power over the enslaved, women, the poor. Are those the things we want to celebrate? I think they should cause us to be horrified at what people are capable of…what we were, and still are, capable of and then rationalize away.

In Germany, it’s illegal to fly a nazi flag. You can’t wear a swastika, fly a swastika, and you can’t say, “Heil Hitler.” Anything considered unconstitutional. Isn’t that just part of German history? It’s not a history Germans want to celebrate or honor so Nazi symbols and flags are illegal. No long explanation or justification. It is illegal. We could learn something from Germany.

I believe in freedom of speech in this country. It’s one of the fundamental rights guaranteed by our constitution. It’s a right I cherish. And though we have freedom of speech, it is not blanket freedom. You cannot say or do anything. There are exceptions to free speech, such as, incitement to violence, true threats, such as hate speech, fighting words…there are a few others, but this covers it for my purposes…defamation or fraud also not legal. We do not have the freedom or protection, under the constitution, to say or do whatever we want. We are not free to scream out anything that comes to mind…you can’t yell fire in a crowded theater when there is not a fire. You cannot spew racist or hateful threats. That makes sense. Right? Seems simple…straightforward.

Why is the confederate flag not illegal? Why is it not considered a tragic and horrific representation of this country’s history, so we don’t fly flags or wear symbols that celebrate it. Why? Because it doesn’t stand for anything good or positive. It causes division and fuels hatred. It is time to remember and learn from our history so we don’t keep repeating it.

And what about giant American flags? What do those stand for? Extreme patriotism…extreme something. I see them in yards and at businesses. Pick up trucks fly big ones on the beds of their trucks (big compared to the size of the truck). Why? What is the message? In September, a man drove his pickup truck, with big American flags flying on it, into a Mormon church, and then opened fire with an assault rifle and set the church on fire. Four people were killed in the attack. Why…because he hated Mormons. Hmmm. There is nothing inherently patriotic about flying a huge flag.

I must admit my own bigotry of trucks with big flags on them. I am frightened of those trucks and their drivers. I perceive the owners, who I do not know…hence the bigotry…as conservative, far right individuals who are definitely not down with the gay folk. They won’t like me. They may not even think I should be allowed to live. I am afraid. It is a scary time to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community.

Yesterday I heard the Director if the FBI, Kash Patel, fired an agent for having a gay pride flag on his desk. Because it is “an inappropriate display of political signage.” Seriously!? Pride flags are not political statements. The statement they make is to value diversity and equality for all people. That is not a political statement. It’s a human statement…an inclusive statement. Now agencies within our government are combing through personnel files looking for anyone who is LGBTQ+. In case we need a reminder, it is illegal to fire someone for being gay or trans or because you think they are. This is America. The land of the free, right?

There are ICE agents acting like the gestapo raiding buildings and taking black and brown people into custody without explanation…based solely on how they look. Then people disappear, without due process or access to an attorney. And without agents knowing if they are in fact gang members, “dangerous criminals,” “the worst of the worst.” They don’t even know if they are undocumented or US citizens.

This week, a famous poem written by Martin Niemoller, has been on my mind… “First, they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me.”

I’m terrified. Terrified and appalled by what is happening in our country, right now…people snatched off the street by masked men with guns, military patrolling the streets with semiautomatic weapons, political opponents of the President subjected to arrest, voting rights obliterated, courts under government control, people disappeared with no legal rights and no one knowing where they are…we are one step away from being Russia, North Korea, or Hiter’s Germany.

And we are not talking about mass “deportations.” Deportation is a legal process. It requires due process. You have legal representation. You know and can exercise your rights. That is not what’s happening. People are disappearing. People are snatched off the street, or in their homes, at church, or merely walking to the corner market…and they disappear. Their families and friends don’t know where they are. They have no access to an attorney. They are detained who knows where for God only knows how long. And these are not violent gang members and criminals. These are our next-door neighbors, service industry workers, farm workers, people who care for our children. the person beside you in church, the parents of your child’s best friend…your best friend.

It is time for us all to wake the fuck up! We must open our eyes and see how far gone we are already. Our country has been dramatically changed. And the more these things become normalized the more our democracy dies. Isn’t this what happened with Hitler? Someone, some group was scapegoated as “the problem.”  The Jews, then the gays…now, undocumented immigrants. If we just get rid of them everything will be fine, so the message goes. So, people get arrested…no one cares. People are sent to prisons in foreign countries and ICE facilities in other states. No one knows where. Still, no one pays attention. It doesn’t affect me, right? Until it does. Until the government is searching for anyone who looks like they aren’t from the US…until the government is seeking out LGBTQ+ people to fire…until the government is looking for someone who looks like me…until…God only knows.

Until the government ignores the courts and the court’s orders…no big deal. Until the President declares that crime is out of control, with zero evidence. California. Washington DC. Chicago. Portland. Until armed federalized military officers patrol the streets of our cities…with orders to use force, violence, against the American people. A military turned against the people and country they have sworn to protect. The framers of the Constitution warned us about exactly this…and they took steps to prevent it from happening. The Posse Comitatus Act prohibits federal military personnel from taking part in civilian law enforcement without express authorization by statute or the Constitution. This includes all branches of the military, including the National Guard if they are federalized. As they have been. If this does not get our attention, I’m not sure what it will take.

I purposely end all my blogs with my own quote, “that in the end all that matters is how we love people.” And I believe that. Hatred does not dispel hatred. Hatred inflames hatred. But loving does not mean doing nothing. Love is not passive. Love is active. Love seeks what is right and just. When we see our government spinning out of control, singling out groups of people to persecute, then love demands action. Love demands that we do something. We have to speak up and say something before there is no one left to speak. We need an action plan of what we can do to stand up for the constitution, for decency, for the scapegoated, for the freedom our country promises each of us…for the power of love.

Future generations will judge us on this moment…this period in our history. They will judge us by our response…or lack there of. Because in the end all that really matters is how we love people. Let’s love enough to act…to care for the persecuted even if we are not. Let’s show our love with action, non-violent action, because as Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.” Let’s follow great historic examples of love and political power…Gandhi, Buddha, Jesus, Mother Teresa, MLK. There are so many examples we can follow. People who have traveled this path successfully. People who loved even while surrounded by hatred. We can choose love and choose hope. We can create the change we want to see in the world…one loving act at a time. No matter what the question is, love is the answer. Love always wins…even when it looks impossible. Let’s do our part to make sure it does.

Don’t Assume Because…Well, You Know

~ Kai Raines ~ Leave a comment

So, here’s the thing about going to therapy and trying to work through the crapola of your life…you find out shit that’s hard to swallow. I’m a bigot…maybe not exactly a bigot, which Merriam- Webster defines as, “An irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics; an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge, a preconceived judgment or opinion.” Currently, I’m not sure my attitudes are irrational or that my opinions are formed without sufficient knowledge…but then that’s my own perspective.

I see myself as an open minded and accepting person, but that’s not all of me. I make assumptions about people based on my assessment of them, especially politically. I look at you and draw conclusions based on what you look like, where you live, what you do for a living, and what I think about all that…what it means to me. These decisions lately seem to be political…political assumptions. I do have an abundance of preconceived judgments and opinions.  And in case you’re wondering, I am always positive that I am correct. I take my assumptions to be fact…I’m not so proud of that. The political climate in this country is scary right now, and there is no shortage of actions to make assumptions about…it’s been a busy three weeks for the president…horrifying might be a better word for the chaos that has ensued. 

When I write a blog, in the back of my mind, I wonder how it will be received. And I make assumptions. Assumptions about who you are by how you react or respond…or how you don’t. When I write about being gay or about LGBTQ+ equality I assume that if you’re a republican you won’t like it. You won’t read it. Or if you do read it, your response will be hateful and mean, cruel even. I wrote about assigning genders and suggested the use of the pronouns they/them for everyone…so that no one is misgendered. It was not well received…forget “well” received…it wasn’t received at all. Almost no one read it…or they didn’t admit it if they did. With my keen insight I concluded that people didn’t like it because they’re republicans or more specifically Trump republicans. I used the wealth of information at my disposal, which was none, to come to this logical conclusion…I thought it was logical…to me it was logical. I think that qualifies as bigotry.

Sometimes people surprise you and what you’ve assumed is not true. And it’s possible I didn’t really have anything to base my opinion on except my own biases. I assumed that because you did “this,” it automatically meant that you thought “that.” If you voted for Trump then you would agree with him that there are two genders, no matter what anyone tells you about their personal experience or what the medical community is saying. I’d go even further to conclude that you hate LGBTQ+ people because you believe it’s a sin to love someone of the same sex. And maybe you have forgotten that our country was founded on religious liberty. Escaping the Church of England so you could believe or not believe as you see fit. I might determine that you have no heart because you don’t believe in the aid programs that help people survive in this country and in countries around the world. Who takes away aide knowing that children will starve? I consider that inhuman. Not caring about the basic needs of human beings, especially children. That’s a hard one to justify, especially when it’s less than 1% of the national budget. 

We all know that making assumptions isn’t a good idea…because when you assume you make an ass out of u and me…remember that little ditty? When we assume what we do is stop receiving and absorbing new information. I think X, and you look like X and talk like X so you are X, even though you tell me you’re Z. But I think I know better. That’s some arrogance there…thinking I know you better than you know yourself. Of course there are exceptions to everything. When we remain locked into our assumptions we stop learning. We think we know everything, when we may in fact know nothing.

The other night I was watching tv with my wife and I got up to use the bathroom and get some water. When I was in the kitchen my wife asked what I was doing. I told her “Getting water” and she said, “I thought you were going to the bathroom.” I replied that I already went, and she said, “No you didn’t.” I told her, “You can disagree with me on almost anything, but not whether I went to the bathroom.” I know my bodily functions better than you do. In this country people argue about gay and trans folks…is it ok to be gay? What about being trans? They don’t understand it. They don’t get being gay or trans or bi. And my immediate, compassionate response is, who the fuck cares! It’s not about you. Other people are the experts on themselves. They don’t need outside critiques from the strangers…or even from people who know them. Life is hard enough on its own without us pitting ourselves against each other. What good will come of that?

People who are not gay or trans like to inform us that being trans isn’t real and neither is being gay. I had a therapist tell me that I was not a lesbian I was just looking for my mother’s love. Now I can promise you that what I want and need with a woman is not what I wanted or needed from my mom. I’m not confused. I’m gay. Trans people aren’t confused. They are clear on their identity. We know who we are. And in case you’re thinking “we just have to agree to disagree,” nope. You can disagree with me about my political views, my spiritual views, my belief that bulldogs are the best dogs, or the Dallas Cowboys. You do not get to disagree with who I am. There’s no agree to disagree on that. You do not get a vote, or an opinion, about my identity. 

Hate is ruling our country right now. No one is even trying to hide the hostility in their use of words and actions. Martin Luther King, Jr. said that he chose to love because hate was too great of a burden. We underestimate the burden of hate…the power of that word. Words have meaning. Words have power. Those are prophetic words for us now in this moment. And we should all be reacting as if our hair is on fire…because it is! Our nation is being systematically destroyed. It’s time to speak up before the world ends…at least the world as we know it.

I have grave concerns about our country right now. Our world as we know it seems to be ending and it’s terrifying. Unfortunately, our country is set to repeat all the atrocities of the past. And yet I know that hate is not the answer. It might be an easy answer…us against them…but it’s not the best answer. It never will be.

We are all encountering the burden of hate and we have decisions to make. Decisions about who we want to be as individuals and as a nation. Do we want to be consumed by hate or do we want to fight for a higher principle? A higher morality than hate? Are we willing to let go of the burden of hate and choose love? I am not talking about sentimental warm fuzzy feelings. I am speaking about a love that demands action. Love that demands we release the burden of hate. A love that demands that we find a path forward that includes everyone…not just billionaires and their white supremacist cohort.  

All these folks running the government now claim to be Christians…just one of the many reasons why I am not one. They claim to love the bible so let’s try this, “Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly.” Can we try that? There isn’t much to add to that except, love generously and fiercely. And don’t stop trying to find me here, or trying to find each other, even with all the chaos. Now is not the time to give up on love. Live each day so that you can say, I did not give up on love today. I won’t give up on love today, even when it’s tempting. Don’t you give up either. 

And always remember that in the end all that matter is how we love people. Love will win. It always does.

Three Things

~ Kai Raines ~ Leave a comment

Now here it is, already 2025…20 days in and I am still not ready. The year went so fast and so many things did not go how I planned…I hate it when that happens…and so I have been dragging my ass into 2025, a little bit kicking and screaming. My resistance reminds me of a quote I read, from someone, that said, “I never let go of anything that didn’t have claw marks on it.” That is an exact description of me…written by someone who does not even know me. If you read my blogs, you are nodding your head right now because you know. You know it’s true. If you don’t follow me, see what you’re missing? Also, it’s time to start…Now! Please.

One of the things that did not turn out the way I planned was the presidential election. I was ready for a President Harris. I feel like I am living in backwards world, where being a dishonest, arrogant, hateful, convicted felon paves the way for you to become President and being an honest, compassionate, and intelligent woman gets you nowhere. So, as the inauguration is taking place, I am reminded of 3 things I did immediately after the results of the election:

I joined the ACLU and signed up to volunteer.

I bought all my grandchildren, (ages 11 to 20) a copy of the US Constitution and told them to read it. I instructed them to learn what their rights are because they may not have them much longer.

Finally, I told my son and his fiancé to get married now. They want to have a big, beautiful wedding and that is a celebration I am eager to be a part of. Planning that takes time…and I’m not sure how much time there is after January 20th. I suggested they get the marriage license now and get legally married while they still can. The supporters of Project 2025, with the cooperation of the Supreme Court, aim to reverse marriage equality. To which I’ve been known to say, “Just try and get my marriage license from me.” I don’t think you can un-marry people or nullify marriages…not legally anyway. But that may not matter. Clarence Thomas has already said that marriage equality needs to be “revisited” by the high court. There is an Idaho case working its way to the Supreme Court right now that seeks to redefine marriage as between one man and one woman. That is happening as I write.

Of my many grandchildren, one said she would keep the constitution in her purse, and one sat down and started reading it…I don’t play favorites but come on, he sat down and started reading immediately. I am a proud grandmother.

Most importantly, my son and his now husband got legally married on December 29th! I am so happy for them and so relieved. I’m not sure if straight people can understand how important it is to be legally married. If getting married was a given for you, I guess you might take it for granted. But if you have been denied that right, it is huge…HUGE! To be recognized as a married person…no special rights, just equality. It is something I did not think I would see in my lifetime. To have your marriage vows honored for their importance in your life and in our society. Being a family…legally a family. That is important shit right there. That is a right I fought for and that is a right I will continue to fight for. Maybe the President will find out that someone in his life, that he loves, is gay and he will reconsider. Or maybe he will grow a heart…him, the Tin Man and the Grinch. Maybe he will learn some kindness and equity. Maybe he will grow to see beyond dollar signs and what benefits him and his cohort of billionaires. Maybe, maybe, maybe…unlikely, I fear.

So where am I going with all of this? I wish I knew. I am tired, frustrated, and terrified. The future seems more unknown than normal…and more out of control. So, what to do, besides meditate, pray, volunteer, give money, educate myself and others, and hope. It seems like conditions are ripe in this country for hate, violence, domination, and fascism to run rampant over the rights of the non-elite. Even President Biden warned of a growing oligarchy right here at home…just like other autocracies. Fuck.

We all know the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” In some ways this is killing me…killing all of us…our collective spirits for sure. What I have always believed about this country and the rights guaranteed to us in our constitution has been completely blow the fuck up. And although they, the new autocracy, may not see it now, this will destroy their supporters as well. I fear we are all headed over a cliff, many voluntarily, and most leaving claw marks as they try to resist…as I try to resist. This is a proper place for claw marks. You cannot destroy other people and be unaffected. You cannot create bigotry, fear, and hatred and remain undamaged…or untwisted. And there are some fucking twisted people running things now.

Although I do believe that difficult circumstances can make us stronger, I prefer to believe that what doesn’t kill us makes us kinder…or it can make us kinder. We must cooperate to become kinder…we have to learn from our circumstances and allow ourselves to seek kindness as a character trait. I must understand, we must understand, that what we do affects other people and the choices others make impact us too. We do not live or move or act in a bubble. Our actions have consequences. Our inaction has consequences as well.

I have been re-reading The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. In the book he discusses the term “domestication” which seems particularly relevant right now. From birth we are taught what to believe and how to act. We are rewarded for “good” behavior and punished for “bad.”  We learn to seek rewards and fear punishment. We learn our lessons and bury our own opinions or beliefs. We are afraid of the consequences of disagreeing or forging our own path. And so, tamed and trained we become compliant. Silent and compliant.

If ever there was ever a time in our history not to blindly follow, comply or agree, it is surely today. Today is the day to wake up. Wake up to the new form of domestication we are experiencing in subtle and not so subtle ways. The push to doubt what we see with our own eyes. To accept lies as the truth, “alternative facts” right? To hate anyone who is not like “us.” “Us” being white, wealthy, heterosexual, Christian, republican, and if you are male, all the better.

As I have said before I am trying to live “off the edge.” The edge being a chronic, low-level anxiety that seems to be my neutral…waiting for the next catastrophic or traumatizing event to occur. Today is not the day to lose my feel for the edge. For me, our nation is on the edge. The edge of what exactly I’m not sure…although it does not feel like anything good.

The best I have to offer myself or anyone else today is to take a deep breath. Breathe deeply and feel yourself grounded wherever you are. In this one moment, in that one breath, I am okay. For one breath you are okay. That is all we have, one breath at a time…for the next 4 years. We must wake up and remain awake even when other forces strengthen their attempts at domestication. No one gets to decide what I believe. They may have when I was younger but not now. I am who I am. I believe what I know to be true…what I see with my own eyes and what I hear with my own ears, what I investigate, study, and learn. Guided by my spirituality and the golden rule.

I cannot come off the edge today, or even in the near future, but I can remain attentive and aware of what is happening…in me, around me, and in the world. I can be aware and engaged. I can continue to breathe and be engaged…even when it’s hard…even when it sucks. That is all I have for now…breathe, stay grounded, stay engaged, and most importantly, allow this world to make me kinder…to make us kinder. Even when it seems impossible. Because in the end all that matters is how we love people. Choose love…every time. Love will win. It always does. And be kind…please. Now more than ever.

Clinging to Pride

~ Kai Raines ~ Leave a comment

Eight years ago last week, a man with a gun walked into Pulse Nightclub and murdered 49 people. 49 innocent people who were out dancing and having drinks with their friends. The gunman targeted Pulse Nightclub because it was an LGBTQ+ club. The gunman was looking for LGBTQ+ people to kill. He sought out queer people to kill (for simplicity I’m using the term “queer” here to cover the entire spectrum of the LGBTQ+ community). Of course, not everyone there was queer…because, in case you don’t know, queer people generally have straight friends…we don’t discriminate. 49 members of the community were gunned down for being queer or being friends with queer people.

It’s hard to remember Pulse Nightclub. It’s painful and traumatic. I didn’t live in Florida at the time, but it didn’t matter. LGBTQ+ people all over the country were as shocked and horrified as I was. I felt like we were being hunted…and we were. I think there were some questions about whether the gunman was gay. And I remember thinking, “you’d rather commit mass murder and die than be gay.” Seriously?! If that was true, it might be one of the saddest things ever.

Now, hold that thought in your head, Pulse Nightclub, 49 people dead, feeling hunted, the fear of going out…and imagine listening to a Supreme Court justice’s wife talk about how angry it makes her to look at a Pride flag in June. How much she hates it and wants to hang her own flag instead. And she described her flag (which she said she created in her mind) as white with yellow and orange flames framing the Italian word “vergogna” in the middle. The Italian word “vergogna” means “shame.” She created a flag in her head because she is so angry looking at the pride flag. Of course, first, she’d have to take down her US flag which she had hanging upside down at her house. She said this after almost daring the media to come after her because she’ll “get them.” Take that in for a moment…a US Supreme Court justice’s wife said that. And not just that, a US Supreme Court justice had the American flag hanging upside down at his own home. Just like the insurgents who stormed the US Capital on January 6th.

Now Justice Alito claims it was his wife who hung the flag upside down…way to throw her under the bus. There’s been statements from neighbors contradicting the justice’s report. He is also on tape talking about the necessity of returning to Christian nationalism, although this country was founded on religious freedom so it’s not a return, it’s a turn as far to the right as you can go. He also talked about not being able to really work with the other side…meaning people without his same views. Let me just say this…he’s a fucking US Supreme Court justice! His whole job is listening to different sides of arguments and applying the law fairly, regardless of his own opinions…which are supposed to remain private. That explains a lot about the current state of the Supreme Court.

I used to be intrigued by the Supreme Court and the justices. I admired them…some more than others. I got to hear oral arguments in front of them once, while I was in law school. They step out from behind the red curtains…it’s all very official, and intimidating. I used to read their decisions, and the dissenting opinions, to understand the laws that they were upholding or striking down. That was when I believed that the Supreme Court did uphold the constitution, legal precedents, and the settled law of this country. The legal term, as I was taught in law school, is “stare decisis” meaning “the thing is settled.”

Enter 2024, where the court overturned a 50-year precedent and the settled law of this country, because they personally object to abortion. They took away reproductive freedom from every woman in this country with that ruling. They also took away many options, sometimes the only option, women had for basic healthcare, because of all the clinics that were forced to close. And they have laid the groundwork to block access to gender affirming care for trans people…because women no longer have control over their own bodies. My ability to decide what I can and cannot do to my body has been stripped from me, stripped from all women. Perhaps the Supreme Court is going to make our decisions for us…we should have at least had a drink first, before the women of this nation were screwed. Healthcare is a personal matter. Reproductive healthcare even more so.

It’s Pride month and I want to be all out and loud and proud but I’m not. I’m scared. I’m scared for our country. I’m scared for all LGBTQ+ people in this nation. I remember when Jerry Falwell said that 9-11 was God’s punishment for homosexuality. I thought that was about as low as a person could go with their personal views. But WTF!?? Look who’s talking now! The impartial, not allowed to get involved in politics, 5 conservative justices of the Supreme Court. The ones who promised to be impartial and stated they would not overturn settled law… and they would not allow their personal beliefs to influence their decisions, even about abortion.

And they didn’t, until they actually started hearing cases…and then the precedents started to fall…Roe, affirmative action, bump stocks on guns…one by one they all fall down. And the always helpful, and rarely involved, Clarence Thomas, has said the court needs to revisit marriage equality…also settled law. Since when do the justices announce what kinds of cases they want so they can direct the laws and the country in the way they personally feel it should go? Never mind the 75% of people in this country who support marriage equality. And never mind that people in this country don’t get to decide whether they think I should have the right to marry the person I love or not. I don’t need your approval and frankly, I don’t want your opinion. It’s still illegal to legislate hatred.

We are a nation that has lost its way. We are an arrogant, self-righteous nation that is fucked up. And my wife and I are not the the problem. When 65% of republicans say voting for a convicted felon for president is not an issue to them…we have a problem. We are a nation that refuses to learn…or maybe we’re just reluctant to learn…or can’t see well with our heads up our asses. I’m angry. I’m angry and sad and scared.

It’s asinine to claim that you are upholding the constitution while you dismantle the very rights that are the law in this country…now past tense. If you want to stick with the framers of the constitution, which is the standard rational, then all the rights are for white men. The framers were interested in protecting the rights of wealthy, white, landowners…in other words, themselves. So, there would be no right to vote for women or any people of color, it would be illegal to be gay, we’d still have segregation, shit we’d still have slavery, if you stick with the framers. Because their concerns were for people like them. And be clear it’s men like them. The constitution is designed to be a living document that evolves as a country evolves, because the framers could not have imagined the world as it is now.

I heard President Biden talking about current issues with our country, or the leaders of our country, and he said they are “old ghosts in new garments.” My first thought was, who wears “garments?” No one since the 1800’s. But he’s right. We’re a better nation when our goal is equality…at least theoretically. We’re a better nation when we are moving forward and not recreating the mistakes of the past. We’re a better nation when all different people can marry…different races and same sexes. We’re a better nation when we don’t allow cruel and unusual punishment. When we require Miranda rights for people in police custody. When we acknowledge that all people should be equal, and we set our eyes on equality as our goal. Title IX, probable cause, the right to an attorney, non-discrimination, freedom of speech…and the list goes on. We’re a better nation when we follow our own fucking laws.

So, what do I do? What do WE do? Something’s gotta give or we’re in a huge crisis…more accurately, we’re in a huge crisis and I don’t want to see it spiral out of control anymore than it already has. I’m always talking about love but really what’s love got to do with it? RIP Tina Turner…it’s got everything to do with it. If I am loving my neighbor as myself, which is the golden rule after all, then I care what happens to you like I care what happens to me. I don’t want laws that hurt you anymore than I want to be hurt. I want you to have affordable healthcare. I want you to be free to make choices about your own body. I don’t want anyone to interfere with your right to vote and to have your voice heard. I want you to have equal access to schools, jobs, careers, housing, healthcare, and all the opportunities available in our country.

So that’s what I do. That’s what we do. We engage. We pay attention. We love when it would be so much easier to hate. We look for common ground…our common humanity. We look for the strands of the values we believe in within other people. We look for ways to unite our country, our communities, because they are so divided right now. We recognize that everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to be part of a community, to belong. Everyone wants to be safe and happy. We take baby steps toward understanding views that differ from our own. We look for commonalities rather than focus on differences. I understand that I am not the only person afraid in our country. I can empathize with others…we can empathize with others. We can be open minded, kind, compassionate, and honest. We can choose to love over and over again until love wins. Because love always wins…it must win. It’s the perfect time to remember that in the end all that matters is how we love people. Buddha said, “Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.” Let’s try the eternal rule for a change.

A Letter To Brittney Griner

~ Kai Raines ~ Leave a comment

This morning, I heard a portion of an interview Robin Roberts did with Brittney Griner. What I heard made me want to write her a letter. I hope it somehow finds it’s way to her through cyberspace. So here goes….

Dear Brittany,

I saw you on GMA this morning and wanted to write you. I wish we were friends so that I could talk to you and tell you to be gentle with yourself. You made a mistake. People make mistakes…all the time. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Some mistakes might have more consequences but it’s still just a mistake. No one should be judged by one misstep. Just today my wife called to tell me that she found her pocketknife in her backpack. This is the backpack that she just took on a flight from Florida to Colorado a week ago. She forgot it was in there. Imagine that. We all forget.

I don’t think you let everyone down. I don’t think you let anyone down. You didn’t plan to commit a crime. You weren’t masterminding a scheme and hoping to get away with it. You forgot. My wife forgot. Please forgive yourself. Don’t let this drag you down anymore. You were a victim. You deserve forgiveness…your own. I’m not sure you need anyone else’s forgiveness.

I know you have a wonderful and supportive wife who fought to get you home everyday. I can’t even imagine was this was like for both of you. You’re expecting a child and I know you have twins. If there is one thing parents know about its mistakes…their children’s and their own. I doubt you would be angry at your own child or blame them if they were in the same situation you were in. You’d help them forgive themselves and assure them that you weren’t mad at them. You’d tell them you understood it was simply a mistake and that all they needed to do was learn from it.

I hope you’re talking with someone about everything you’ve been through. I hope they’re helping you. Forgive yourself so you can continue to move forward. What other people think about you or what happened doesn’t make any difference. You can’t control what other people think. I’d try and be exposed to any negativity as little as possible. Surround yourself with the people who love you and believe the best about you…and there are many…some you know and lots that you don’t. Tell everyone else to kindly fuck all the way off.

Its easy for people to judge when they weren’t there…because they weren’t there. They have no idea what you’ve been through. One mistake does not diminish or define you. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. It was just a mistake…a mistake that was used against you to make you a political pawn. I’m sorry you were used by the Russian government. I’m sorry our government didn’t get you out of there sooner. I am very grateful they did bring you home.

Don’t listen to all the bullshit from the bullshitters. You know who you are. Your wife knows who you are. Your family, friends, and your teammates know who you are. I’ve followed you since Baylor. I had the chance to see you play at the University of Colorado one year. You were amazing. You are amazing. I feel as though I know you because you are genuinely you. That’s obvious to anyone who takes the time to see.

I’m glad you’re safe. I’m glad you’re home. I’m glad I get to watch you play in the WNBA again and hopefully in the Olympics. Do what you need to do to heal. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. I’m grateful for the gift of you in this world. The world is a better place with you in it. I’d be proud to have you as my daughter. You are a kind and loving person…and in the end all that matters is how we love people.

May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.