So, here’s the thing about going to therapy and trying to work through the crapola of your life…you find out shit that’s hard to swallow. I’m a bigot…maybe not exactly a bigot, which Merriam- Webster defines as, “An irrational attitude of hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race, or their supposed characteristics; an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge, a preconceived judgment or opinion.” Currently, I’m not sure my attitudes are irrational or that my opinions are formed without sufficient knowledge…but then that’s my own perspective.

I see myself as an open minded and accepting person, but that’s not all of me. I make assumptions about people based on my assessment of them, especially politically. I look at you and draw conclusions based on what you look like, where you live, what you do for a living, and what I think about all that…what it means to me. These decisions lately seem to be political…political assumptions. I do have an abundance of preconceived judgments and opinions.  And in case you’re wondering, I am always positive that I am correct. I take my assumptions to be fact…I’m not so proud of that. The political climate in this country is scary right now, and there is no shortage of actions to make assumptions about…it’s been a busy three weeks for the president…horrifying might be a better word for the chaos that has ensued. 

When I write a blog, in the back of my mind, I wonder how it will be received. And I make assumptions. Assumptions about who you are by how you react or respond…or how you don’t. When I write about being gay or about LGBTQ+ equality I assume that if you’re a republican you won’t like it. You won’t read it. Or if you do read it, your response will be hateful and mean, cruel even. I wrote about assigning genders and suggested the use of the pronouns they/them for everyone…so that no one is misgendered. It was not well received…forget “well” received…it wasn’t received at all. Almost no one read it…or they didn’t admit it if they did. With my keen insight I concluded that people didn’t like it because they’re republicans or more specifically Trump republicans. I used the wealth of information at my disposal, which was none, to come to this logical conclusion…I thought it was logical…to me it was logical. I think that qualifies as bigotry.

Sometimes people surprise you and what you’ve assumed is not true. And it’s possible I didn’t really have anything to base my opinion on except my own biases. I assumed that because you did “this,” it automatically meant that you thought “that.” If you voted for Trump then you would agree with him that there are two genders, no matter what anyone tells you about their personal experience or what the medical community is saying. I’d go even further to conclude that you hate LGBTQ+ people because you believe it’s a sin to love someone of the same sex. And maybe you have forgotten that our country was founded on religious liberty. Escaping the Church of England so you could believe or not believe as you see fit. I might determine that you have no heart because you don’t believe in the aid programs that help people survive in this country and in countries around the world. Who takes away aide knowing that children will starve? I consider that inhuman. Not caring about the basic needs of human beings, especially children. That’s a hard one to justify, especially when it’s less than 1% of the national budget. 

We all know that making assumptions isn’t a good idea…because when you assume you make an ass out of u and me…remember that little ditty? When we assume what we do is stop receiving and absorbing new information. I think X, and you look like X and talk like X so you are X, even though you tell me you’re Z. But I think I know better. That’s some arrogance there…thinking I know you better than you know yourself. Of course there are exceptions to everything. When we remain locked into our assumptions we stop learning. We think we know everything, when we may in fact know nothing.

The other night I was watching tv with my wife and I got up to use the bathroom and get some water. When I was in the kitchen my wife asked what I was doing. I told her “Getting water” and she said, “I thought you were going to the bathroom.” I replied that I already went, and she said, “No you didn’t.” I told her, “You can disagree with me on almost anything, but not whether I went to the bathroom.” I know my bodily functions better than you do. In this country people argue about gay and trans folks…is it ok to be gay? What about being trans? They don’t understand it. They don’t get being gay or trans or bi. And my immediate, compassionate response is, who the fuck cares! It’s not about you. Other people are the experts on themselves. They don’t need outside critiques from the strangers…or even from people who know them. Life is hard enough on its own without us pitting ourselves against each other. What good will come of that?

People who are not gay or trans like to inform us that being trans isn’t real and neither is being gay. I had a therapist tell me that I was not a lesbian I was just looking for my mother’s love. Now I can promise you that what I want and need with a woman is not what I wanted or needed from my mom. I’m not confused. I’m gay. Trans people aren’t confused. They are clear on their identity. We know who we are. And in case you’re thinking “we just have to agree to disagree,” nope. You can disagree with me about my political views, my spiritual views, my belief that bulldogs are the best dogs, or the Dallas Cowboys. You do not get to disagree with who I am. There’s no agree to disagree on that. You do not get a vote, or an opinion, about my identity. 

Hate is ruling our country right now. No one is even trying to hide the hostility in their use of words and actions. Martin Luther King, Jr. said that he chose to love because hate was too great of a burden. We underestimate the burden of hate…the power of that word. Words have meaning. Words have power. Those are prophetic words for us now in this moment. And we should all be reacting as if our hair is on fire…because it is! Our nation is being systematically destroyed. It’s time to speak up before the world ends…at least the world as we know it.

I have grave concerns about our country right now. Our world as we know it seems to be ending and it’s terrifying. Unfortunately, our country is set to repeat all the atrocities of the past. And yet I know that hate is not the answer. It might be an easy answer…us against them…but it’s not the best answer. It never will be.

We are all encountering the burden of hate and we have decisions to make. Decisions about who we want to be as individuals and as a nation. Do we want to be consumed by hate or do we want to fight for a higher principle? A higher morality than hate? Are we willing to let go of the burden of hate and choose love? I am not talking about sentimental warm fuzzy feelings. I am speaking about a love that demands action. Love that demands we release the burden of hate. A love that demands that we find a path forward that includes everyone…not just billionaires and their white supremacist cohort.  

All these folks running the government now claim to be Christians…just one of the many reasons why I am not one. They claim to love the bible so let’s try this, “Do justice, love mercy, walk humbly.” Can we try that? There isn’t much to add to that except, love generously and fiercely. And don’t stop trying to find me here, or trying to find each other, even with all the chaos. Now is not the time to give up on love. Live each day so that you can say, I did not give up on love today. I won’t give up on love today, even when it’s tempting. Don’t you give up either. 

And always remember that in the end all that matter is how we love people. Love will win. It always does.