Tag: equality

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

~ Kai Raines ~ Leave a comment

So, I’m about to agree with Marjorie Taylor Greene, never thought I’d write that sentence…it’s time to look outside for flying pigs. I have never agreed with her about anything…until the release of the Epstein files became a fight. That should not be a fight. It should happen. The victims deserve that…at least that. I respect that she has a relationship with several of the victims and I respect that she broke with Trump on signing a petition for the release of the Epstein files. Broke with the president and the republican majority. Seems like such a no brainer. Release them. Duh. There needs to be accountability for trafficking and abusing young girls…whoever was involved. Regardless of party affiliation. It’s one of the most horrific examples of sexual crimes against young girls in this country…ever.

Regardless of our differences, I would never think it was okay to send death threats to her or her family. I saw a clip of her giving a speech and she talked about the death threats and her fears for herself and her family. She said she reached out to people in the Trump administration for help and got no response…except Kash Patel who said he was on it. She told the audience, “I don’t know what he’s on.” That got a good laugh. But the most disturbing thing was the president’s response…and she saved the text messages. He told her she deserved the death threats. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, and it was, the President of the United States told her that if her son were murdered it would be her fault. What the total fuck?!

My daughter died four months ago, and it is the worst and most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. I would not wish it on anyone. I could never wish for someone to lose their child…no one…ever. It is inconceivable to me that anyone would want someone’s child threatened and that you would tell a parent that if anything happened it was their own fault. That’s some cold-hearted bullshit. I’m not big on calling people evil but this really challenges my thinking on that.

Here’s the thing, this administration does a lot of claiming and proclaiming their so called “Christianity” …flaunting it even. But there’s something off there…a disconnect. Saint Catherine of Siena said that freedom isn’t free until it serves. Service. To serve, “perform duties or services for another person or organization.” Freedom isn’t free until it opens itself to a belief, a cause, or a vision beyond itself, according to Saint Catherine. Something beyond ourselves. It’s not all about me…or you. That attitude of service, thinking of others, is not prevalent in our current government…with all its gold adornments and vanity projects. I’m not sure it even exists.

Since the president thinks he’s Jesus, he should be more familiar with what Jesus taught…love, kindness, compassion, standing up to injustice, defending the defenseless, modeling equality, treating people with respect. It doesn’t matter what your personal beliefs are or whether you’re part of a religion or an atheist, those are basic values we should be able to agree on. Seems simple. Duh, right? And yet the current administration does not. How do I know? Just watch the news or listen to interviews, these men tell you themselves. For example, the president, speaking about his war with Iran, said he was going to obliterate their country. Or saying he doesn’t even think about the American people and their struggles right now. Or trying to pick a fight with the Pope. Seriously? People in the administration said the Pope should stay away from issues about theology…hmmm. I’m pretty sure issues of theology are his job. Or saying that the Pope is for Iran having nuclear weapons when the Pope has consistently spoken out against war and the use of nuclear weapons. I disagree with the Catholic Church on many things, but the church is clear on its opposition to war and nuclear weapons. I realize in the olden days that was not always the case…the Catholic Church has a past.

Jesus was not so different than other great teachers and religious leaders in what he taught. They all talked about the need to love. Love your neighbors. Love your enemies. Love children. Love all people. Period. Full stop. Fairly straightforward and clear.

What would that look like? I’m glad you asked. This is an example from the Bible. The story is in the Gospels of Matthew, Luke, and Thomas…A man was having a dinner, so he sent his servant around to his friend’s homes to invite them…seems like you’d do that before you prepare a huge meal, but whatever. One by one all his friends decline the invitation. They’re too busy or have other plans. So, the man sends his servant out again and tells him to bring back anyone he can find until his banquet hall is full. Anyone. That’s a big deal back then…or now. This is a person of means and some standing in the community. Probably in a position of power, and he opens his home to everyone. People did not do that. There were classes of people and the upper did not mix with the lower.

Imagine what that would look like now…the president, Jeff Bezos, or Mark Zuckerberg are having a party. They send a chauffeur around to pick up their friends, and they all turn down the offer. So, Mr. T, B, or Z send the chauffeur out again with instructions to pick up anyone they can find. Who would they find? Women, the unhoused, people suffering from poverty, people with mental illness, LGBTQ+ folks, the disabled, African Americans, Asian Americans, Pacific Islanders, people from the Latin X community, non English speakers, people from other countries, folks with substance abuse problems, gang members, people who have been in prison, people on parole or probation, the hopeless, the weary, Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, Hindus, atheists. This list is not all inclusive because there are so many possibilities…so many people. Hopefully, you get the idea.

When you include everyone, you find a lot of people who are not usually, or ever, on the list of acceptable guests. You get the real people from the real world. People with real lives and real struggles. That’s life. Real life. Not a bunch of white, male, billionaires pretending they have any clue what life is like for 99% of this country, or this world. I’m not sure those men give the 99% of us much, or any, thought at all. We are invisible to them…too far beneath them to care.

Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest and author, says that we make a mistake when we try to be spiritual before we learn to be human. I think that’s a major problem in our country…not enough humans. We have plenty of people proclaiming their spirituality, or their connection to a god, but having zero humanity. Jesus modeled humanity. That’s why he told that story. To show us how to be human. It seems like it should come naturally to us, but it doesn’t. We like to exclude and favor, to rank and shun. We decide regularly who matters and who doesn’t. Who deserves our kindness or attention and who does not. Jesus lived his values. His words matched his life. Other great teachers modeled the same thing. They embodied the principles they followed. They lived what mattered to them. Lao Tzu, author of the Tao Te Ching, a foundational text of Taoism, said that a ruler leads not by acting important but by their speech and their steps…their actions. It’s a powerful thing when our words and actions align in our lives.

So, how do we become more human? What did Jesus model for humanity? It starts and ends with love. That may sound simplistic but imagine a world where everyone acted from love. Where every person, no matter their position, power, money…no matter what…the only motivation was love and the intention across the board was to show love in every word and action. Imagine all the people living life in peace. You can’t bomb someone you love. You can’t turn your back on the needs of people you love. You can’t live comfortably having everything when people you love have nothing. You can’t claim a spirituality, or a religion, or a God and watch your neighbor starve.

Love is a powerful force…it transforms the lover and the loved. And in the end, all that matters is how we love people. That’s the starting point for learning to be human. It’s the whole point. Loving is human. Loving is divine. It’s time to become the humans we claim to be. Love will win…but only if we do it. Actions speak louder than words. Love speaks the loudest. Let’s turn up the volume and manifest the power of love. Just imagine.

Symbols and Scapegoats

~ Kai Raines ~ Leave a comment

My wife and I recently took a driving trip to New York, and on the way, I noticed something interesting…well, unsettling. I saw confederate flags flying in Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, and Virginia. Now, these were not little flags I had to search to find. These were gigantic…and they were flying next to huge American flags.

I don’t get flying a confederate flag. People tell me “It’s part of our history.” True. It’s a shitty part. People fly flags or wear symbols because they mean something to them. What does flying a confederate flag mean? What does it stand for…slavery, violence, oppression, people treated as property, brutality, racism, war, division. How about white, wealthy, male, landowners having all the control and power over the enslaved, women, the poor. Are those the things we want to celebrate? I think they should cause us to be horrified at what people are capable of…what we were, and still are, capable of and then rationalize away.

In Germany, it’s illegal to fly a nazi flag. You can’t wear a swastika, fly a swastika, and you can’t say, “Heil Hitler.” Anything considered unconstitutional. Isn’t that just part of German history? It’s not a history Germans want to celebrate or honor so Nazi symbols and flags are illegal. No long explanation or justification. It is illegal. We could learn something from Germany.

I believe in freedom of speech in this country. It’s one of the fundamental rights guaranteed by our constitution. It’s a right I cherish. And though we have freedom of speech, it is not blanket freedom. You cannot say or do anything. There are exceptions to free speech, such as, incitement to violence, true threats, such as hate speech, fighting words…there are a few others, but this covers it for my purposes…defamation or fraud also not legal. We do not have the freedom or protection, under the constitution, to say or do whatever we want. We are not free to scream out anything that comes to mind…you can’t yell fire in a crowded theater when there is not a fire. You cannot spew racist or hateful threats. That makes sense. Right? Seems simple…straightforward.

Why is the confederate flag not illegal? Why is it not considered a tragic and horrific representation of this country’s history, so we don’t fly flags or wear symbols that celebrate it. Why? Because it doesn’t stand for anything good or positive. It causes division and fuels hatred. It is time to remember and learn from our history so we don’t keep repeating it.

And what about giant American flags? What do those stand for? Extreme patriotism…extreme something. I see them in yards and at businesses. Pick up trucks fly big ones on the beds of their trucks (big compared to the size of the truck). Why? What is the message? In September, a man drove his pickup truck, with big American flags flying on it, into a Mormon church, and then opened fire with an assault rifle and set the church on fire. Four people were killed in the attack. Why…because he hated Mormons. Hmmm. There is nothing inherently patriotic about flying a huge flag.

I must admit my own bigotry of trucks with big flags on them. I am frightened of those trucks and their drivers. I perceive the owners, who I do not know…hence the bigotry…as conservative, far right individuals who are definitely not down with the gay folk. They won’t like me. They may not even think I should be allowed to live. I am afraid. It is a scary time to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community.

Yesterday I heard the Director if the FBI, Kash Patel, fired an agent for having a gay pride flag on his desk. Because it is “an inappropriate display of political signage.” Seriously!? Pride flags are not political statements. The statement they make is to value diversity and equality for all people. That is not a political statement. It’s a human statement…an inclusive statement. Now agencies within our government are combing through personnel files looking for anyone who is LGBTQ+. In case we need a reminder, it is illegal to fire someone for being gay or trans or because you think they are. This is America. The land of the free, right?

There are ICE agents acting like the gestapo raiding buildings and taking black and brown people into custody without explanation…based solely on how they look. Then people disappear, without due process or access to an attorney. And without agents knowing if they are in fact gang members, “dangerous criminals,” “the worst of the worst.” They don’t even know if they are undocumented or US citizens.

This week, a famous poem written by Martin Niemoller, has been on my mind… “First, they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Socialist. Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Trade Unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Jew. Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me.”

I’m terrified. Terrified and appalled by what is happening in our country, right now…people snatched off the street by masked men with guns, military patrolling the streets with semiautomatic weapons, political opponents of the President subjected to arrest, voting rights obliterated, courts under government control, people disappeared with no legal rights and no one knowing where they are…we are one step away from being Russia, North Korea, or Hiter’s Germany.

And we are not talking about mass “deportations.” Deportation is a legal process. It requires due process. You have legal representation. You know and can exercise your rights. That is not what’s happening. People are disappearing. People are snatched off the street, or in their homes, at church, or merely walking to the corner market…and they disappear. Their families and friends don’t know where they are. They have no access to an attorney. They are detained who knows where for God only knows how long. And these are not violent gang members and criminals. These are our next-door neighbors, service industry workers, farm workers, people who care for our children. the person beside you in church, the parents of your child’s best friend…your best friend.

It is time for us all to wake the fuck up! We must open our eyes and see how far gone we are already. Our country has been dramatically changed. And the more these things become normalized the more our democracy dies. Isn’t this what happened with Hitler? Someone, some group was scapegoated as “the problem.”  The Jews, then the gays…now, undocumented immigrants. If we just get rid of them everything will be fine, so the message goes. So, people get arrested…no one cares. People are sent to prisons in foreign countries and ICE facilities in other states. No one knows where. Still, no one pays attention. It doesn’t affect me, right? Until it does. Until the government is searching for anyone who looks like they aren’t from the US…until the government is seeking out LGBTQ+ people to fire…until the government is looking for someone who looks like me…until…God only knows.

Until the government ignores the courts and the court’s orders…no big deal. Until the President declares that crime is out of control, with zero evidence. California. Washington DC. Chicago. Portland. Until armed federalized military officers patrol the streets of our cities…with orders to use force, violence, against the American people. A military turned against the people and country they have sworn to protect. The framers of the Constitution warned us about exactly this…and they took steps to prevent it from happening. The Posse Comitatus Act prohibits federal military personnel from taking part in civilian law enforcement without express authorization by statute or the Constitution. This includes all branches of the military, including the National Guard if they are federalized. As they have been. If this does not get our attention, I’m not sure what it will take.

I purposely end all my blogs with my own quote, “that in the end all that matters is how we love people.” And I believe that. Hatred does not dispel hatred. Hatred inflames hatred. But loving does not mean doing nothing. Love is not passive. Love is active. Love seeks what is right and just. When we see our government spinning out of control, singling out groups of people to persecute, then love demands action. Love demands that we do something. We have to speak up and say something before there is no one left to speak. We need an action plan of what we can do to stand up for the constitution, for decency, for the scapegoated, for the freedom our country promises each of us…for the power of love.

Future generations will judge us on this moment…this period in our history. They will judge us by our response…or lack there of. Because in the end all that really matters is how we love people. Let’s love enough to act…to care for the persecuted even if we are not. Let’s show our love with action, non-violent action, because as Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.” Let’s follow great historic examples of love and political power…Gandhi, Buddha, Jesus, Mother Teresa, MLK. There are so many examples we can follow. People who have traveled this path successfully. People who loved even while surrounded by hatred. We can choose love and choose hope. We can create the change we want to see in the world…one loving act at a time. No matter what the question is, love is the answer. Love always wins…even when it looks impossible. Let’s do our part to make sure it does.

Happy New Birthday Year

~ Kai Raines ~ Leave a comment

I recently celebrated my 63rd birthday. I have been thinking for a while now that each person’s birthday should be their own personal New Years Day. Instead of some forced midnight tradition on January 1st it should be an individual occasion, shared with people of your choosing. Certainly, when we’re born that’s the original new year, new day, new moment. Every single thing is brand new. You may have a muffled recognition of some voices or sounds, like people talking under water, but everything else is new. Every thing, every person, every experience brand new…that’s exhausting. No wonder babies sleep so much. 

Seriously though, on my Happy New Birthday Year I like to think about the past year and what I’ve learned and to think about where I’m headed, what I want to learn, what I want to change, what I want to be (if I ever grow up), not so much “what” as “who” and “how” I want to be.

What did I learn? That I can’t control everything and everyone, although sometimes I really want to. I don’t know what is best for everyone in every situation, although I often think I do. Other people’s choices don’t define me or make me good or bad. Sometimes things just are how they are, and everyone is doing the best they can, even if it’s not what I want. I continue to learn about loving, forgiving, and letting go. I learned more about being honest without being mean. Sometimes the truth is painful, but it doesn’t need to be intentionally mean or hurtful. I learned that people are allowed to have their own feelings and to feel them, even if I don’t like it or am uncomfortable with it. People having feelings is not an attempt to hurt me. Turns out I really am not the center of the universe…damn it. 

Continuing on…I’m learning that I can’t force people to have relationships they don’t want or to love people just because it makes me more comfortable, and I want them to. I get to have feelings too…all of them, even if my feelings make other people uncomfortable. It’s not my job to make people feel good, although I really like to. And people make mistakes and fuck up sometimes intentionally and more often accidentally. Either way they are still good people. And I don’t think it’s so much intentionally as it is unconsciously. Most people don’t set out to intentionally cause another person pain, but we do it all the time. That doesn’t make anyone a bad person. It makes us people who lack awareness. Awareness of what we are doing, why we’re doing it, and how it may impact other people. So much of what we do is habitual, and we don’t take the time to investigate why we do what we do. Everyone wants to be happy, sometimes we look for happiness in fucked up ways.

This next year I need to continue learning all the same things, in different configurations, but the same general ideas. I need to understand and change some of my habits, for example shutting down when I experience conflict. I do not like conflict, but it happens, and I need to be present with it. I need to feel my feelings even when they scare me. I need to worry less about my own comfort and more about my ability to be honest with myself and others. I don’t like other people to be uncomfortable, but I need to be honest and then allow people to manage their own emotions. Other people’s emotions are not my responsibility, regardless of what they think, or how guilty I feel…thank you Catholicism.

I need to stop allowing other people’s needs or wants to push my needs aside. I am allowed to need. I am allowed to meet my needs. I can be a priority to myself. It isn’t selfish to take care of myself. It’s selfish to expect other people to meet my needs, especially if I haven’t voiced them. People who love me do not need to read my mind. I can be open and honest about how I feel and what I need.

Here’s something real…I have 10 tattoos. I once had someone tell me I was the last person they ever thought would have tattoos, not sure what that meant. Anyway, I love when people explain their tattoos to me…why they picked them, what they mean. Now it turns out that these tattoos of mine cover everything I’ve learned, am learning, and need to learn. I watched a movie once that talked about our bodies being primarily water. A Japanese scientist,Masaru Emoto did an experiment by taping a word on the outside of a container of water to see how that word or intention might affect the molecular structure of water. He found that positive words, like love and kindness, formed beautiful, symmetrical crystalline structures when the water was frozen. When the words were negative, like hate and anger, the molecules formed disorganized, asymmetrical molecular structures.

So, what are the messages I put on my watery body to affect my molecules? In no particular order, they are the divine feminine or ground of being, endless possibilities, wealth, fearlessness, courage, the present, a lotus, equality, and my own symbol for integrity. It turns out I’ve put permanent symbols on my body of all the things I want to learn and be. So isn’t it serendipitous that any time I need a reminder I just have to look at myself. And don’t we always need to look at ourselves? The answer is right in front of me, well in front of me, or behind me. That was clever of me, and kind of coincidental.

Now the meaning of all those messages…Prajnaparamita, the great mother or ground of being, tattooed close to my heart…my ground of being. Not a white man with a beard, as God is often depicted, but a great mother, a divine feminine energy, a spiritual grounding. The courage to be present. Fearlessness, not having no fear but moving forward regardless of fear. And I am capable of so much…there are endless possibilities for me. Integrity meaning to be intact and whole. Wealth, not just physical wealth but spiritual and relationship wealth. A lotus, because it reminds me that out of shit something beautiful can grow…it doesn’t have to, but it can. That brings me to allowing. Letting go of my desire to control everything and allowing what is to be. Not fighting reality…a frequent pastime of mine. And equality…of course equality for all people, always. We should all have equality tattoos because that should be the ground under everyone everywhere always.

Let’s be real, I need to be more courageous. I think we all need more courage. I need to be courageous enough to be present in my life and the lives of those around me. I want to live fearlessly allowing what is to be. I have two more tattoos I want to permanently be a part of me, generosity and love wins. Wealth in any area of my life means so much less if I cling to it instead of spreading it around, generously. 

Love, integrity, allowing, spiritual grounding, generosity, courage, and more love. Love should the beginning and ending of everything we do, think, and are. Now stop, rewind, pause, and repeat, repeat, repeat. For love to win it has to be on continuous repeat, forever. In the end, all that matters is how we love people. May our ability to love, growbigger and deeper each Happy New Birthday Year…because love must win…that’s what’s real.