So, I have been trying to build my online presence. How’s it going you wonder? Not great. Why you ask…because it turns out I don’t spend much time on social media. I don’t like social media much, especially lately. My idea of social media is looking at pictures of my grandkids, clips of the WNBA, bulldogs, pandas, and little kids who drop the f bomb on Instagram. Because seriously, who can resist pandas? They are hysterical. Nothing phases them. They hang from trees, balance awkwardly on branches, play in the snow and when they fall, they roll up into a ball like it was all part of their plan. And yet it’s clear…they don’t have plan. If you are ever sad, search pandas on instagram. They’re the best.

So, I have a lot of work to do. I need to develop my engagement skills which is funny because I’m good at building relationships…just not online. For example, a month or two ago I posted that I lost 85 pounds, and I included a couple different pictures of my progress. Someone asked me how I did it. What did I say you ask? Nothing. I didn’t respond. I meant to but I never did. Fuck. I am clearly a work in progress…sloooow progress.

So here is my long overdue response…along with my apologies. The short answer is I adopted a whole food plant-based diet…mostly. I love cheese. Anyway, that’s where I am now but it’s not where I started. In case you’re wondering, I started as the junk food queen of Florida.

When I decided I needed to do something to lose weight, besides hoping, it was after I saw a picture of myself. I didn’t realize how much weight I had gained or what I looked like. You know how you can know you’ve gained weight, but you think it’s not that big of a deal? At a checkup, my doctor asked me what WE were going to do about the weight gain. I wanted to say, “WE think YOU should lose the weight for us.” I was really upset by the photo and decided I needed to do something, so I joined Noom. I picked Noom because there were daily reading assignments, and I love to read and learn new things, so it seemed like a good fit.

All of this took place during Covid…the time when everyone in the world gained weight. There was nothing to do except eat and drink. I needed both vices to survive supervising online school for my grandkids. Even with all that, I did lose weight on NOOM. 40 pounds. And then I started gaining it back slowly. I was sticking with the calorie guidelines, mostly, but I was not making healthy food choices. Snacking, big heavy meals, sweets, and wine. Comfort food. Comfort candy. Comfort wine. Right?! I have a wicked sweet tooth, and I was eating a lot of sugar and enjoying too much wine. Never wanting to take responsibility too soon, I blamed Covid for all of that. Who didn’t eat and drink more? I was afraid and I was stressed. I was worried that everyone I loved was going to die. I spent a lot of energy just trying to cope…everyone did.

Now I am not saying anything about the general population losing or gaining weight and I am not telling anyone what they should do. Humans come in all shapes and sizes and that is a beautiful thing. I am only speaking for me. I’m sharing my experience because I think other people have found themselves in a similar place and felt like I did. I reached a point where I was unhappy with my weight and how I looked. I looked different than I thought I did, and I was frightened by what I saw…in the picture and on the scale.

So, pandemic or not, I knew I needed to make changes in my life. First, I joined Noom. Second, I quit drinking. The drinking was hard because it had become a nightly habit and the people around me were drinking. But I did it. I decided I wouldn’t drink any calories, except for the creamer in my morning tea. I love my tea. I quit for 9 months, then I drank some, and then I quit again. Currently, I only drink on occasion. It’s too easy for me to gain weight when I drink. And alcohol isn’t the only drink with calories. I quit drinking coke and juice.

After we moved to Florida, I struggled to lose more weight and found myself gaining instead. Turns out my mom loved junk food…loved it! Cheetos and candy. And she loved me to join her in those treats…and I did…for a while anyway. There was one other time in my life when I lost a significant amount of weight. It was after I had my 3 kids and was going through a divorce. In my memory, it was easy to lose the weight…95 pounds. So, I kept wondering why it was so hard to lose weight now. It definitely was not easy…not even close.

I remember reading about Shonda Rimes, the creator of Grey’s Anatomy, losing weight. She said that she had worked hard for everything she achieved in her life so why would losing weight be any different. That made sense. Now working hard implies discipline and discipline makes me cringe. When I hear that word I think of punishment. Discipline was harsh, painful, and meant negative consequences…a spanking or grounding when I was a kid. Discipline was to be avoided.

Although I had never thought about it, I’ve done a bunch of things in my life that took great discipline. I have multiple degrees that required a lot of school…classes, papers, tests. I held jobs for years. I showed up to work on time, got my work done, and did more than just work 9 to 5 when it was necessary. I lost 95 pounds…I wonder if regaining weight required discipline…ya, I know…it didn’t.

So, from my Cheeto and candy induced coma, I made some decisions. Noom was no longer helping me, or I wasn’t allowing it to, so I ended my membership. Next, I read a book called, Plant Based Weight Loss, by Shawn A. Sales and I decided to eat a primarily plant-based, whole food diet. I also committed to not eating a plant-based pile of crap. There is plenty of plant-based junk food out there and I’ve eaten a lot of it. Gluten free, plant-based pop-tarts. Oh yes, they have them and I have eaten them…fortunately, they aren’t good. I used to joke that I was a horrible vegetarian because I didn’t eat vegetables. I decided to change that too. I gave up coke, chips, candy, cake, donuts…you get the idea. I have a crazy sweet tooth, and I found the best way to control it was to not activate it. So, I gave up sugary treats. This was no small feat since the lived with the queen of sweets and Cheetos. Having Celiac disease was helpful here because I couldn’t eat the Krispy Kreme donuts, pie, coffee cakes, and other gluten filled treats in the house. That did not take discipline, just the fear of puking my guts out.

Another book I read was, How Not to Die, by Michael Gregor, MD and Gene Stone…catchy title huh? I’m not sure the people I have gifted it to appreciated it. This doctor talks about how you can reverse or slow down most diseases with a plant-based, whole food diet. There are people in my family with diabetes and according to Dr. Gregor you can reverse it. I know someone with Parkinson’s and their symptoms could be improved and the progress of the disease slowed with a change of diet.

A huge factor motivating me to change my diet was chronic pain. I have multiple health issues that cause me chronic pain…degenerative disc disease, degenerative joint disease, a connective tissue disorder, and fibromyalgia. I have joint replacements in both knees and my elbow. Most of my spine is fused and I have a screw and staples in my foot. I have pain daily and I’m tired of it…I’m tired from it. I decided I was ready to do anything I could to reduce my pain. Plant-based, whole foods are supposed to decrease inflammation, and I wanted to see if it would help me. I felt desperate. I have been dealing with serious chronic pain every day for many years. I was willing to try almost anything.

So, I got discipline. I set goals, changed some habits, and learned I do in fact have self-control. Of course, I had those things previously, but I wasn’t accessing them to help myself. I started losing weight again. It was easy. It was easy if I stuck to my plan. By eating plant-based whole foods I was losing weight. I wasn’t counting calories or policing how much I ate, and I was not exercising…yet. I wasn’t hungry because I was eating as much as I wanted to, of plant-based whole foods. If I was hungry, I ate. And weight started coming off naturally…in a sense, easily.

I’m sure the changes shocked the hell out of my system. I shocked myself. I started to like vegetables and salad. I already loved fruit. Now I’ve lost 85 pounds. It could be more, but I’ve had some bumps in the road. Like my birthday when I decided I wanted gluten free cupcakes and that sent me on a sugar spiral. I recently had some teeth extracted and for soft foods I picked pudding, ice cream, and mashed potatoes. I know there are other choices, but I didn’t make them. Between that and my recent trip to New York. I gained 10 pounds…which I have lost again. I frustrated myself with the yo yo-ing…my discipline is evolving.

Apparently, you do have to practice discipline and maintain awareness of what you’re doing and the choices you’re making in order to lose weight and to develope new habits to reach a goal, even if it’s difficult. I am training myself to crave healthy food because I’m committed to caring for my body. This body of mine has been through so much and yet it keeps going, keeps working even when it’s in pain. The least I can do is respect it enough to care for it.

I don’t have the answer for weight loss. I have my own experience to share and an understanding that when I eat the best foods for my body, I naturally lose weight. Is it easy to eat a plant-based, whole food diet…you wonder. Not always. There are so many food choices available that are not either of those things. So, I have discipline. I care for myself by following the diet that I believe is in my best interest. It’s a way of eating that I can keep long term…because it’s good for me.

So, I share my path here for anyone who may find themselves in my shoes. I share to give hope to anyone who felt like I did…stuck and hopeless. I learned to take a step…just a small step…to control what I can. I control what I feed myself. So, I changed that. I needed to care for myself and that was my first step. I made the change out of love for myself, not because I was rejecting or hating myself or my body. I still believe that in the end all that matters is how we love people…and that begins by loving ourselves. I can’t love you until I love me first.

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kairaines11

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