We’ve all heard the saying
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
You can wear it as a badge of honor
For all you’ve survived
But only if you let it
I prefer the saying
What doesn’t kill you makes you kinder
Taking difficulties and transforming them
Into kindness, compassion, gentleness
Growing softer instead of harder
But only if you let it
Circumstances don’t sweep into our lives
Bend and twist us
In ways not natural to us
Contorting our form
Forcing us to be remade
Or maybe they do…
You were married, now you’re not
You could walk, now you can’t
You used to remember, now you don’t
You had a house, now it’s gone
Change happens
Whether we like it or not
We don’t control change
It’s as certain as death and taxes, right?
Change happens with or without us
We don’t have to be ready
Or agree
Give our permission
When it’s done, it’s done
You can fight it
But it already happened
You’re fighting reality
Shadow boxing as if you see a foe
But it’s just air
We’re the fighter and the opponent
You against you
But only if you let it
To become stronger, kinder, anything “er”
We have to allow it
Surrender to a process we’re unsure of
Submit to transformation
Lean into the sharp edges
The places that scare us
The unknown and unwanted
The uninvited guest
The pain in all its forms
Now all the possibilities
All the adjectives aren’t helpful
We can become meaner
Nastier
A complainer
Unforgiving
Self-centered
Withholding
Miserly
Detached
Ungrateful
Philophobic
Not stronger or kinder at all
Quite the opposite
But…only if we let it
We don’t control change
We do control transformation
When something hurts
We can harden in response
Or we can soften
Become curious about the pain
Invite it in to teach us
Strength and kindness
Whatever else it has to offer
Lean in and allow
There’s so much to learn
So much to transform
But only if we let it
We decide
We can become so much more
Or so much less
Whatever we allow
We must let it
Kai Raines 