I have been doing a lot of reading this past 640 days of staying home and the idea of a personal mantra kept coming up. I am familiar with the idea of mantras and I have read a lot of famous people’s mantras…and worked very hard not to claim them as my own…because why reinvent the wheel? However, it did seem as though my mantra should come from me…right?!
Now I already have a vision…maybe a dream. “Compassion First” is my vision for my life and for the world. I believe that if everyone in the world would respond with compassion at the same moment in time it would change the world dramatically and forever. I’m pretty sure there is never a bad time for compassion and I work to keep it at the forefront of my responses.
I have also been thinking about being present in my life. I think that’s on my mind because there is SO much present right now. The world came to a screeching hault on March 16th and it’s been all the present, all the time, since then. Things sure do slow the fuck down during a pandemic…and to make it worse (or better depending on how full your glass is) I started waking up at 5:00…that’s AM not PM! By 9:00 I’m ready for lunch and it’s quitting time at noon. It’s a lengthy day to be present.
I’ve been contemplating what it takes to remain present today…and I’ve begun to break things down further…this day, this afternoon, this hour, this minute, etc. So, to avoid my mind spinning out of control here, I tell myself, “Just this day.” I can’t look much further than just this day…well I totally can but it’s super unhelpful. Also I can’t promise months or years of anything really…I think I can with my marriage but really don’t I wake up and choose each day to be present in my marriage? It’s all I have…just this day…just this moment…I can be here now.
And so what about this day, this moment? What do I want from this present moment? I want to be willing. And thus my mantra was born. “I Am Willing.” Just this day…I Am Willing. Willing to what? Willing to learn, to grow, to feel, to feel everything, to stay (even when I’m scared), to love, to laugh, to care, to change, to understand, to desire, to see, to give, to enjoy, to cry, to be kind, to remember, to hunger, to forgive, to show compassion, to breathe, to let go, to try, to fail, to allow, to try again, to become, to know, to listen, to be still, to speak, to be honest, to be silent, to practice, to grow, to be seen, to remain open…to be present. Those are a few of my willings. I wanted to put as many willings on paper as possible so that I am reminding myself of what my mantra means…what my commitment to be willing involves.
So here’s the thing…you know how you read stuff that says that we are complete and we already have everything we need…we don’t have to go outside of ourself to find anything. Never in my life have I hoped more that that is true then now…because I don’t have life enough left to find all the things that I listed that I am willing to be…I’m not opposed to living until I’m 962 but it seems unlikely. What that means is that all of those qualities are already here inside of me…perhaps deeply buried but they are here. I have to create the space for all my willings to make their way to the light of day so that I can cultivate them and allow them to become an exposed part of me. And how long do I have to be willing to do that? Just this day.
Just this day. I am willing to show compassion first, because this world certainly needs it, especially now.
Kai Raines 