I have been losing and gaining weight for years…such an infuriating cycle. If losing weight were as simple as eating the right food and exercising then I would be at and maintain my “ideal weight”…whatever that is and who makes that shit up anyway?
What does not get taken into account is the emotional nature of food. Food has a feeling…the warm comfort of soup on a cold day…the feeling of well being when someone prepares a meal for us. We feel nurtured, comforted, calmed, relaxed, cared for, content, loved, (to name a few), by food. Food feeds our bodies but it also feeds our souls…we celebrate success, holidays, anniversaries, and achievements, with food. There is meaning in what we eat and the circumstances around our eating.
So here’s the thing…when you are overweight (which the majority of this country is), people look at you and make assumptions about you…they even think they understand you. Perhaps you look at me and think that I am out of control or I’d be thin…and with those thoughts you develop your own story about me based on your own experiences, what you were taught, and your own biases…you think you know me but you have no idea.
I am not lazy, unmotivated, undisciplined, or uninformed…I merely have a challenging relationship with food. I heard Glennon Doyle say something to the effect of “I am not overly sensitive. I am a deeply feeling person living in a messy world.” That’s me. I am a deeply feeling person and the world is messy…I’m messy. If it wasn’t then I could put a formula into place, follow it, and I’d lose weight. But this is a messy process…messy because I need to unravel, or uncover what food means to me in order to have a healthy relationship with it…with myself. The issue is not the food that sits quietly around me it’s my crazy interactions with it…what do I understand the nature of food to be and how did I come to view food as so powerful…what is the meaning in the message of food and how do I reinterpret it?
So I am calling this blog “Shedding More Than Pounds” because that is exactly what I need to do. It isn’t just weight I want to lose…I want to lose the conclusions I have drawn about a relationship with food that makes it a giant mind f**k for me. We’ll just have to see where this leads….I’ve got no answers, only questions.
Kai Raines 