My pain carefully kept
Outside of myself
Not really a part of me
An accessory at most
A nuisance
Resisted
Something I face when forced to
Then stuffed back into a corner of myself
Where it festers from lack of attention
I see two parts of myself
The healthy, able me
And the disabled, rejected me
But it’s all me
Parts of the whole
That make me me
The parts I reject
The pain
The fear
The need
The longing
The exhaustion
The despair
Feelings that scare me
Fears rise like a tide
I am not in control here
Clearly control is an illusion
I don’t want to drown
I’m overwhelmed
Maybe it’s too much
Too much to feel
Too much to bear
Too much for me….
How do I bear the unbearable?
An obvious Aha arises…
There aren’t two me’s
I’m not twins
The grief, the loss
The pain, the tears
The joy, the laughter
The love, the generosity
All parts that make me who I am
Parts to embrace, not critique
The big view So often hidden from me
Or rejected by me
Because I want things my way
For my own comfort
I don’t want to embrace what I don’t like
Even if it’s me
The big view
The view that doesn’t go through me
But moves and molds me
Transforms…
Pain into compassion
Loss into kindness
Limitations into vision
Doubts into possibilities
Rejection into love
So here I am
Basically good
Perfectly flawed
Transforming
Becoming who I am
© Karen Raines 2015 All rights reserved
Kai Raines 